Archive for the ‘Healing’ Category

As we move through the holiday season towards the end of the year – and towards a new decade – consider this radical thought: the deeper the grief, the more the magnificence.

The holiday season is certainly a time to celebrate with loved ones, and it’s also a time of real stress for many. Plenty of negative triggers prompt people to become, well, less than they truly are. This stress is real. The seasonal triggers are real. And yet, if you see yourself following old patterns that just don’t work anymore, you can do something about it.

Ask yourself: Do I want to continue a (perhaps comfortably uncomfortable) poor me attitude or approach or experience real gratitude by looking deep inside, and all around me, for what’s warm and positive and true, too?

When you can suspend your negative thoughts, change old patterns to those that are new, healthy, and perhaps uncomfortable at first, you can and will be open to experience truecelebration.

Each and every moment is either grievance or miracle – and the beauty of this is YOU get to decide!

We all have regrets, each and every one of us. But, guess what? The past is the past – and we can’t un-ring the bell! The choice is accepting that what is….is! No matter what happens, accept the fact that the present moment is exactly as it should be, and, is a result of all actions leading up to it. This is a challenging concept for many of us to grasp. This doesn’t mean we agree or disagree in the moment.

Ask yourself – how long am I going to hang on to this story?

Take responsibility. Once you accept the moment for what it is, you own it! It’s your life, after all. Own every single piece of it, even if you didn’t invite it. You can only create new responses if you own the present moment.

When you fear or constrict you are working against the natural forces of the universe. Stop talking about it, churning on it, griping about it. Own it and you can create a new future. After all, what is accomplished if you spend time in blame, in negative, circular thought patterns? Nothing.

Why not instead view every person, situation, event, as your guide, your teacher. Ask what can you learn from each situation – and find the not-so-hidden gem once you free up your brain space from negative thought patterns. It’s amazing what can happen when you go here!

Unconscious choices come from conditioning. Conscious choices can come from stepping back for a moment to observe the situation before taking action.

Consider this visual that takes its cue from nature -
Attention is the garden.
Intention is the seed
Actions are the water that nurtures for growth.

To stay focused on increasing your consciousness, you can ask yourself the following questions:
What is my life purpose?
What is my positive contribution?
What peak experiences can I remember?
What are my unique skills?
What are the best qualities I contribute to a personal relationship?
What are the qualities I look for in a best friend?
Name three or four or five people I would consider heroes.

Think carefully about your answers. Let them percolate. Sit with them for awhile and see what other questions, other answers may arise, leading you to an Ah Ha! moment.

Go on – make it happen!

I was so happy to be sitting with 300 other people who represented all religions, all shapes, sizes, and nationalities. Deepak, whose medical background is as an endocrinologist, emphasizes that existing in a state of non-judgment offers a very high state of consciousness. He speaks of what you put out into the world, you get back. The universe runs on the law of cause and effect. Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind. An easy concept to grasp! Another way to say this, which we have all heard since we were quite young, is that what we sow is what we reap. When we choose actions that bring happiness and success to others, the fruit of our own karma is happiness and success.

What great news! You and I are essentially infinite choice makers. Whether we like it or not, everything that is happening for us in this moment is a result of the choices we have made in the past. (When I reviewed my own life, this wasn’t fun to look at, but certainly enlightening, and I can see it is the truth for me.)

However, many of us make choices unconsciously, and therefore we don’t think they are choices. And yet they are. For example, if I insulted you, you would most likely make the choice of being offended. If were to pay you a compliment, you would most likely make the choice of being flattered. But think about it: your reaction is still a choice. You could go either way – making the choice of not being offended by a certain type of comment or choosing to be flattered by a compliment.

As a group, we discussed how we have so many conditioned reflexes that can be triggered by circumstances into predictable outcomes of behavior. Pavlov, of course, was famous for demonstrating that if you give a dog something to eat every time you ring a bell, soon the dog starts to salivate when you merely ring the bell and don’t offer the treat. Most of us, as a result of conditioning, have times of repetitious and predictable responses or reactions that are automatically triggered by people and circumstances, too. Think about the daily triggers you experience to see this very simple concept at work.

Becoming a conscious choice maker, then, seems to be a very important component in creating the kind of life you want. You can, of course, continue to complain, rant, and rave about the world and its current condition. Just watch how the law of cause and effect works in your life when you stay stuck on this negative mode! You could also choose to bring to your conscious awareness actions that will bring peace and joy to those around you. And why not? There’s no harm in shifting your perspective here.

Ask yourself before making a choice – what are the consequences of this choice that I am making? Will this action bring fulfillment and happiness to everyone concerned? Then ask your heart (remember, the heart has more intelligence than the brain!) for guidance. Check in with yourself to gauge i you feel comfort or discomfort in whatever it is you are going to say or do. Your body, nay, your heart, will feel clear and whole if it’s truly the right action to take, one that will benefit you and those around you.

As I’m sure many of you discovered, certainly this past week, as long as you give you will receive. The more you give the more you receive. Deepak Chopra says that the more you practice giving, the easier it gets, and, interestingly enough, the more you practice receiving the easier that gets, too. (Some of us have a difficult time receiving gifts from others – compliments, a kind word or deed.)

Our true nature is affluent. And, today is “Pay it forward” day – a perfect time to practice giving without expectation to others. Pay for someone’s coffee, donate goods to someone in need, offer a kind word or assistance to a stranger – anything you have to offer is a perfect gift to another!

After the workshop with Deepak, I did commit (to myself) to give something to everyone with whom I come in contact. I silently wish strangers happiness, joy, and laughter, health, love, and wealth. Also, I committed to gratefully and graciously receive all gifts life has to offer me. Nature, sunlight, rain, snow, my daughter, my friends, my animals, my clients, the sounds of birds in song. Good health and material things like wealth, too. Why not?

Life is energy, and keeping that energy circulating is important so that it comes back to you. (What goes up must come down; what goes out must come back. It’s all flow. If you stop the flow, you interfere with nature’s good work.)

I felt pretty good leaving Deepak’s seminar, and wondered how I would do better in the world of giving and receiving. We learned much, much more about being in the moment, slowing down, trusting life. Right now, during this moment, I am so very grateful for the people in my life. I have a charmed and loving life, full of friends – people I care about and people who care about me. I am so very grateful to all of you who have stopped for a moment to meet me, share with me, love me. My wish for you is that all of your desires are fulfilled, effortlessly, spontaneously, lovingly.

Thank you for being in my life. Now, pay it forward today – and, all days! It’s easy and rewarding. Try it.

Life is too short to waste it on grievances. So why not take a difficult moment and turn it into a learning experience, and a true gift to share with others?

Many of you know that I have experienced problems with my back over the years – ruptured discs, aches, pains and much of it was caused from overuse and working out too hard, too often. Every time I think I am “super good to go” and I start a new exercise program or buy a new bike another injury occurs. This cycle has been truly frustrating and painful.

I find insight to so many questions in the most obscure places sometimes! This time I was sitting in an audience of 300, listening to Deepak Chopra talk about looking at everything as a gift. I hadn’t put those words in articulating my back problems over the years, but I did take some time to think about the gifts I have actually received from back pain. Yes! Gifts! The first time I ruptured a disc was very serious, of course, and I lost the use of my right leg and needed immediate surgery. I had just moved from Minneapolis to Portland, Oregon and knew no one. I had a 7-year old daughter to take care of. I had no choice but to call my father, a person who I knew of but did not truly know. He graciously and surprisingly got on an airplane and came to help.

This became the beginning of a very healing and beautiful relationship with my father. He visited about every 3 to 6 months for 10 to 15 years. It was an amazing gift! Who would have thought rupturing a disc and having surgery would turn my life in a positive direction? So, I began to look at all the times I injured something from working out too much or just being too busy to really pay attention to what I was doing to my body. When I was injured, I had to slow down or sit down, stopping altogether. As a result I made some of the best friends I have and I have the best career anyone could have. All rich gifts.

Last week, I was sitting in front of Deepak Chopra listening to many examples and stories about when we give we are also receiving and when we are receiving we are also giving. Seems so easy and obvious, doesn’t it? Through my injury and pain, my daughter and I both received a great relationship with my father. My father received total love and forgiveness from me. And we had so much fun being together and shared so many laughs along the way.

Becoming aware of gifts or blessings could be noticing a smile from a person or giving or receiving a compliment, or sharing a meal together. Every day now, I acknowledge a blessing or gift for the day.

Deepak says be appreciative of what’s happening in your life right now. This very minute have gratitude for what’s happening in your life and around you. Take time to quiet your mind and body to be open to receive this greatest of gifts. He suggested that any time you come into contact with anybody give them something. It doesn’t have to be material – it can be a flower, a compliment, a smile, or a prayer. The most powerful forms of giving are non-material, of course. The gifts of caring, attention, affection, appreciation, and love are some of the most precious gifts you can give and they don’t cost you anything.

This holiday season, open yourself up to others by giving and receiving.
Best to you all,
Diane

Those who want to secure pearls from the sea have to dive deep to fetch them. It does not help them to dabble among the shallow waves near the shore and say that the sea has no pearls and all stories about them are false. –Sai Baba

A curious concept, perhaps, for those of us who want a different life but don’t know how to go about making change in order to self actualize or to realize our dreams.

Maybe there will always be those people who believe in the struggle of life and little of anything else. When discussing dreams or plans or even struggles to move through, these people are usually the first to say “That’s impossible!” or “You can’t do that!”, or “Accept it, that’s just the way life is. You can’t change it.”

And, these are probably the very same people who are not willing to dive deep to fetch their pearls.

In years of coaching experience, I can confidently tell you that the most beautiful pearls are those you find at the depths of your soul. These gems are truly there waiting for you to find them.

Many of my clients read the book The Secret, and took its many lessons and advice. One such exercise noted in this material is to create a vision board, which many other practitioners use, too. It’s a simple exercise that asks you to list or create all your life goals in visual form on board, sometimes taking the form of a collage, sometimes taking the form of other creative visual lists, so you can look at it daily to allow time for serious reflection, enabling the images to lodge into your conscious (and subconscious) mind.

This book and its premise was amazing on many levels for millions of people, helping to change consciousness and raise awareness of areas often overlooked along the path of self development. But in my opinion, the creators forgot to provide folks with a few additional, critical steps to take in order for goals to actualize. Many of my clients were upset because they had been visualizing their goals for months to no avail. Nothing happened, and they became frustrated or deflated in thinking their goals could indeed be realized.

If you have had a lifetime of trauma and negative experiences, we now know that your brain has made pathways–a super-highway of pathways–for those negative experiences to remain active in the mind and in your pattern of thinking. (You’ve all heard me talk about this facet of neuroscience before.) In my experience, resolving these negative experiences with a coach or therapist is the first thing that has to happen in order to start moving your energy forward.

It was either Einstein (or Frank Zappa) who said that the mind is like a parachute, working best when it is open. Einstein also told us the imagination is more important than knowledge. Both ideas are important concepts, indeed.

Learning how to tap into your inner self or to dive deep into and beyond your (sub)conscious is quite a task, one that offers great rewards. Consistent, repeated focus on what you want will lead to spontaneous intuitive breakthroughs.

Remember, no matter who you think you are, you are always much more than that. When you learn to dive deep, you’ll find tremendous gifts.

I recently received two interesting requests from people who wanted to read more about improving “fast.” This is not an uncommon request, of course, as improving or changing fast seems to be a lot of what I hear on a daily basis. A far-fetched notion? Immediate gratification guaranteed?

It is possible to make significant improvements in a short period of time, but for improving or changing to last, well, repeatedness is the answer.

In my previous blogs, I have presented some interesting information about neuroscience and how spect scans are able to gauge or track that what you pay attention to creates muscle or a significant pathway in your brain. This superhighway of what you are paying attention to is critical conditioning. For example, if you are paying attention to “what if I panic?”, you can develop strong neurons for panicking. If you are focused on “what if I am totally confident?”, then you can develop strong neurons for confidence.

John Overdurf calls this scenario the Cycles of Observation. These Cycles of Observation can alone determine our reality through:
* the quantum zeno effect which, as you know, is how the duration and frequency of observation effects the rate of change in both objective and subjective terms.
* the relative detail, patterns, and/or progression that can be observed. Notice, for example how frequently you observe something or place your attention on something; how much time that observation/attention lasts;
where this attention starts and finishes (and/or does it?); what you pay attention to between observations; what meaning you make of it all; how you keep that meaning constant.

Whew! That’s A LOT of observing going on! But, it’s really important to pay attention to where your mind is, where the focus spends most of its time, and what patterns you might be creating that could be redirected towards something more positive.

Why not consider paying attention to something positive and repeat that multiple times?

Most of my clients aren’t seeing me because they are paying attention to something positive repeatedly – they are seeing me to resolve whatever pattern or story they are stuck in, the tape that stops them from creating and maintaining healthy patterns to create a healthy life and life choices.

In individual client sessions, I ask many questions on the first visit as many people have said there is no greater knowledge than knowledge of oneself.
What’s curious is that many people are oblivious to themselves and it’s others who know only certain aspects of their personalities. Remaining stuck in a state of darkness about ourselves keeps us stuck and prevents progress. Change is only possible where there is an element of awareness or consciousness present.

Defenses that are ingrained habits have to be resolved or worked through so we can picture and be ourselves as we really are. Only then is it possible to transform. This is when we are no longer ruled by circumstances but we become rulers of our circumstances.

This is where our lives truly change and become enriched.

We grew up in a world where it isn’t acceptable – as adults – to express feelings like anger. Babies and children have their emotions and express them without judgment. It isn’t until we are adults that we begin to label feelings as good or bad. And, it isn’t until we are adults that we learn to hold back how we truly feel.

So many of us are scared by our emotions. We worry that if we feel what we feel, we will completely fall apart. We bottle up our emotions deep inside. We edit what we feel when expressing ourselves to others. But the true healing comes from doing tough emotional work – having, expressing, and looking at our feelings in order to make sense of ourselves in the world.

Emotional work is not something you get over. It’s something you do if you want to shift or evolve your life. And, it’s difficult to work through “our stuff”, to do the challenging emotional work that will propel us forward towards healthy relationships and a strong internal emotional life.

People always ask me if and when their work, their hard work, is ever going to end. Instead of looking for the end of this work, treat it like it’s a destination. Treat your inner work like a journey of discovery. In this journey, by connecting with your heart, you can find joy and that idea that you are eternal. Why would you want that process, that feeling to end?

Emotion is energy in motion. Feelings change the minute you acknowledge them and embrace them. Most folks attach a story to their negative feelings instead of just experiencing them and processing through the hurdles and bumps. We tend to move around our hearts, skipping over what we truly feel, instead of going through the heart to get another perspective about our emotions.

Winston Churchill said: “If you are going to go through hell, keep going.” For inspiration for our difficult inner work this sentiment can perhaps best be paraphrased as to get out you gotta go through.

Commit to doing the hard work. Commit to go through and coming out on the other side with a fresh, powerful perspective. Commit to yourself. It takes courage and strength to look at all that’s going on inside, experience and process raw emotions, and find core issues and patterns that could change. When you do begin this work, you’ll be on your way to developing your authentic self that can take you to the next level of joy.

It sounds sort of funny, but developing a relationship with your heart is strongly connected to how you develop relationships. This most intimate of relationships guides the sorts of people you attract, too.

Being present for yourself is the anchor you must develop in order to forge healthy emotions and relationships. Contrary to how may of us operate, another person is not the anchor.

When we show up for ourselves everyday by parenting our hearts our other intimate relationships are not so scary or daunting. When your own heart is nurtured, others can then be nurtured by us in a healthy way as well.

Think of your heart as a child. (The child is a metaphor for the heart.)
Whatever your childhood issues are that you still may be working through will probably pop up at some time through your relationships. What our issues or triggers were as children are what we tend to attract in life. For example, if your issue is abandonment, you might have a pattern of choosing relationships where you are abandoned or you might attract situations that provide an opportunity or need to be healed.

People in your life are your messengers to help you heal your wounded heart. Take cues from the patterns you’ve established in your relationships to learn what to heal within.

And, then ask, what do you do to love yourself?

Consider having a relationship with your heart – the kind of relationship you would want with a partner. Look through the eyes of your heart. Be a best friend to yourself. Treat your heart like you would treat your own child’s heart if he was hurt, angry, sad, or afraid. What would you do for your distressed child? Would you distract your child or sit with her and validate your her feelings over and over and over again until the feelings process through? When you offer unconditional love, and really show up for your heart (as you would for your child), you can move through hurt to heal.

What do you do when you feel hurt? Do you call someone? Walk, listen to music, or eat? Ask yourself: how can I be there for myself now? How can I show up for myself and trust that I am taking care of my feelings now?