Archive for June, 2010

Wouldn’t it be much better to pay attention to possibilities rather than focusing on deficits? What could be and what is rather than what is not?

Your mind uses thoughts to create the way in which you interact with reality. Your thoughts can be used to build or destroy. They are powerful.

People from all areas of life who are ready to acknowledge that life involves problems and are willing and ready to get busy to do the hard work collaborate with me to help create solutions and permanent positive change. Working together, my clients learn to recognize their thoughts or pictures they are making as a powerful force for change and how to use them to create the future they desire. The kids I work with are especially quick to get this technique and use it to their advantage.

Acknowledge the storm
Your mind can be like a wild, out of control storm. It will do what it has rehearsed or has always done which is often not what you intend. If you are spending a lot of your energy just trying to control the storm, how much does that energy really benefit you overall? How can you change the comforting pattern of doing (or thinking) the same thing over and over again? (Hint: you can’t.)

The mind—our monkey mind, as one trainer calls it—jumps all over the place. One thought leads to another and soon we’ve forgotten our original goal. The question is, how do we tame the mind? One way is to develop possibility thinking. I know, I know. Many of us have gone to every workshop or Tony Robbins training, or read every book or watched the Secret many times, and still we think we haven’t been able to control our thinking.

All the information learned from these sources is helpful, however, if you haven’t gotten your life under control or in a place that is suitable or comfortable to you, it may be that you have had a lot of negative circumstances or situations in life that haven’t been resolved. If you have taken one or two seminars or trainings in positive thinking and 30 years of anxiety or depression or trauma, what do you think is going to win? What is your brain paying attention to—the superhighway of negativity or the one-day of positive training?

In working with individuals or in teams via my workshops, I always discover that folks wouldn’t even be seeking me out if they were able to consciously change their thinking or behaviors. And also with advances in neuroscience, we know we have to change the negative superhighway that is actually now observed and recorded in the brain.

There are many factors that prevent people from achieving their full potential. Fear is the biggest deterrent I see. It comes in many shapes, forms, and sizes. Fear paralyzes and destroys. It can creep into the deepest core of human potential and freeze creativity. Then it can generalize and get rooted in and through thoughts and action.

It is my life’s purpose to help as many people as I can to embrace change. The current wisdom truly is all we are is changing. By embracing personal growth and making life a true adventure offers an awakening of your full and total potential. Getting unstuck from anything negative and moving towards and bright exciting future by shaking old beliefs loose to develop your unique self is empowering.

Ask yourself , how would your life improve if you could focus on what you want? What is your higher purpose? The only limits I see are if you are committed to staying stuck in your old thoughts and beliefs and thus patterns. There are many ways to change. You can start by realizing you are far more than you think you are and may have been led to believe.

Ready to move forward?

For many of us, basic needs were not met when we were children. For many, still, our basic needs are not being met as adults. In order to evolve and self actualize, to unlock our true potential, we’ve probably got to do some serious inner work.

Remember that Maslow believed that educators should respond to the potential an individual has for growing into a self actualized being. If we were all taught to recognize our potential from our earliest years, we could achieve just about anything. The following list provides some keys to unlocking potential in us all, and speaks to the educator in all of us.

1. Teach people to be authentic, to be aware of their inner selves, and to hear their inner feelings and internal voices.
2. Teach people to transcend their cultural conditioning and become world citizens.
3. Help people discover their vocation for life, their calling, fate, or destiny. (This is especially focused on finding the right career and right mate.)
4. Teach people that life is precious, that there is joy to be experienced in life. If people are open to seeing the good in all sorts of situations, life can certainly be viewed as worth living.
5. We must accept people as they are, and help them learn their inner nature.
6. Help assist others in securing their basic needs. This includes safety, belongingness, and esteem needs.
7. Refresh true consciousness by teaching people to appreciate beauty and other positive forces in nature and in life.
8. It takes control to improve quality of life in all areas. (Controls and boundaries are helpful to achieving goals, while complete abandon in this regard might not necessarily help evolution.)
9. Teach people to transcend trifling issues. Assist them in approaching serious problems in life including suffering, pain, death, injustice.
10. Become a good chooser. Practice making good choices.

Think what a fabulous planet (world, community, home) we could create if we were all focused on unleashing our true human potential!

Is it possible? Well, probably – but first, we’ve got to understand how we humans operate on a very basic level.

Many people have heard of humanistic psychologist Abraham Maslow and his Hierarchy of Needs. He developed a theory of personality that has influenced a number of different fields, including education. This theory accurately describes many realities of personal experiences.

Humanists focus upon potentials. They strive for an upper level of capabilities. They seek frontiers of creativity and the highest reaches of consciousness and wisdom. Maslow calls this level “self actualizing person, a fully functioning person or a health personality.”

In Maslow’s theory of needs, all of our basic needs instinctive (just like animals). Humans start with a very weak disposition that is then fashioned fully as the person grows. If the environment is right, people will grow straight and beautiful, actualizing the potential(s) they have inherited. If the environment is not right (news flash: it is mostly not!) they will not grow straight and beautiful. Maslow’s hierarchy offers five levels of basic needs. But beyond these needs, higher levels of needs exist, including needs for understanding, aesthetic appreciation, and purely spiritual needs. We humans cannot move through the stages of needs until the demands of the first (or supporting) need has been satisfied.

So, what are these basic needs?
1. Physiological: These biological needs consist of oxygen, food, water, and relatively constant body temperature. They are the strongest needs because if deprived, we would not thrive.

2. Safety: When all physiological needs are met and are no longer controlling thoughts and behaviors, the needs for security can become active. Adults have little awareness of their security needs except in times of emergency or periods of disorganization in the social structure (such as rioting). Children often display the signs of insecurity and the need to be safe.

3. Love, affection, and belongingness: When the needs for safety and for physiological wellbeing are satisfied, love, affection and belongingness can then emerge. Maslow states that people seek to overcome feelings of loneliness and alienation. This involves both giving and receiving love, affection and the sense of belonging.

4. Self Esteem: When the first three classes of needs are satisfied, the needs for esteem can become dominant. These involve needs for both self-esteem and for the esteem a person gets from others. Humans have a need for stability, a firm base or foundation, high level of self respect, and respect from others. When these needs are satisfied, the person feels self-confident and valuable. When these needs are unmet, the person feels inferior, weak, helpless, or worthless.

5. Self Actualization. When the first four levels of needs are satisfied, then and only then are the needs for self actualization activated. Maslow describes self actualization as a person’s need to be and do that which the person was born to do. For example, a musician must make music, an artist must paint, and a poet must write. When unmet, restlessness ensues. The person feels on edge, tense, lacking something.

Maslow believes that the only reason that people would not move well in the direction of self actualization is because of hindrances placed in their way by family or society. He states that education is one of these hindrances. Maslow states that educators should respond to the potential an individual has for growing into a self actualized being.

Interested in learning more? Spend some time online learning more about Maslow and his hierarchical theory. Then, think about times in your life where your basic needs may have gone unmet. What did you do? Think? Believe? Feel? How did you move forward? Or, are you stuck?

“Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.”
– Tori Amos, pop/rock singer

Some of us dive right into the inner work we know we can truly benefit from while others are more hesitant to dig up (and through) the past. Counseling, self help guides, even creative endeavors and exercise can assist us along our personal paths. And, this process of uncovering and healing all takes time.

Sometimes you can get stuck traveling down this path to healing, and a healthy, helpful boost is what you need. When you feel stuck, which is natural and common, your mind can be compared to a computer that uses software programs. These software programs are filled with your emotions and beliefs that combine together to make up what you think and feel. And, sometimes this software can get stuck in a loop and stop working the way we desire.

It seems that trauma and negative emotions can combine with a certain thought or feeling and create a locked neural pathway in your brain, trapping the negativity in your brain and body. This is how many define post traumatic stress, which seems daunting to deal with, but if you make time to approach your issues with the appropriate tools, you can and will heal.

Take a moment out of every day to assess where you are, where you’ve been, and where you hope to be. With an open mind and heart (and the right tools) you can make big changes that help you heal.

I recently attended a training about dealing with trauma and grief. The work we did was amazing and I love the new tools I learned for helping my traumatized clients. The doctor who taught the class engaged us in an important exercise that allows a person breath deep and low, therefore causing calm or relaxation. You can read about how to perform this exercise in my May 3rd blog.

When helping a trauma victim heal, it’s critical for them to be able to relax in order to address the traumatic events and resolve them. If you are having anxiety, practice this important breathing exercise often.

During the course of a lifetime, approximately half of all men and women will exposed to or experience at least one traumatic event, such as an assault, vehicular or work related accident, serious sports injury, domestic violence event, or natural disaster (earthquakes, hurricanes). Some people can resume their normal lives after such an experience while others will suffer significant distress or impairment. Traumatic experiences impact both the brain structure and processes.

But, what is trauma? Trauma is characterized as a rare and overwhelming event that produces an intense emotional response (fear, helplessness, horror). It’s not just an external event – the event is traumatic and/or intensely scary.

Trauma also has a psychological response. For many years mental health professionals and others have recognized that exposure to trauma produces enduring psychological consequences. Many people mask or self medicate the symptoms that develop from exposure to traumatic stress as a form of numbing.

Trauma can be traced to a natural defense mechanism that all human beings share. It is referred to as the flight or flight or freeze response. In the face of stress or danger, the body releases a chemical called adrenaline, which results in a wide range of physiological and psychological responses such as increased heart rate, overall hyper arousal of the bodily systems, and increased pupil size. A lesser known fear response is the freeze response or immobilization. This reaction to fear or terror often leaves people with the belief afterward, “why didn’t I do something?”. Freezing and fleeing are often defensive responses that are connected to unrealistic and debilitating feelings of guilt and shame in the aftermath of trauma.

A few symptoms that a person who has experienced trauma may also have:
• nightmares
• avoidance of people, place, and other situation is associated with trauma
• visual, auditory, and kinesthetic flashbacks
• intrusive thoughts
• persistent anxiety, increased arousal, and hypersensitivity
• sleep disturbances
• diminished interest or participation in previously enjoyed activities
• feelings of detachment and isolation
• psychic numbing

Symptoms can be mild to severe. Ongoing symptoms are very taxing on a person’s nervous system and people can try to self medicate for relief. Anyone who has grown up in a household of alcoholics or drug addicts or family that is depressed or anxious (who often have had their own history of trauma) can be well aware of the symptoms mentioned above.

There are countless studies about trauma. For more information on trauma (and related PTSD) please visit LifeForce or Sara Gilman.